The Core Belief

Each and every rational human being has both a conscious mind, and a subconscious mind. Our subconscious mind is influenced at an early age, by teachers, peers, and parents.

For example, one supervisor I worked under, once commented, "You are damaged goods." This was a well-meaning and light-hearted statement, in his point of view. I received the words and deeply internalized them. I believed and still do, that light-hearted sarcasm was just his style.

I have always been a tremendously empathic individual. Some people may even consider me a bit too sensitive. I am the type individual always who felt an emotional response to simple, derivative telephone company advertisements.

While being a new-age, sensitive guy may be my personal style, it is very conducive to effecting changes in the core belief. I could hear an off-hand, careless comment, and internalize it, to the point of self-detriment. Why? Because my real self is buried somewhere very deep within my subconscious.

My real self is very closely aligned with my first name. When I was born, my mother told my father, "We finally have our Matthew." My name translates into the phrase, 'gift from God.' When I am at my un-selfconscious best, I truly give unconditionally, and seek to validate the nature and potential of all living things.

I am the first son of an Earth Mother. Born into a family with a powerful father and two generous sisters. For years, no doubt, I ruled the household. Somewhere along the way, my feelings of safety and trust became undermined by challenges to my core belief.

Such challenges to my core belief caused years of conflict within my soul, feeding anger, and fear, and resentment. Every perceived slight was filtered through a prism of self-doubt. Even the driver ahead of me who failed to use their turn signal, was perceived as being personally against me, in some metaphysical way.

I believe that most, if not all, physical disorders, originate with some deep conflict in a person's core belief. I met a wonderful woman, a gifted psychologist, who was generous enough to share her 'core disbelief' with me. I couldn't fathom why a beautiful, ultra-talented female, who turned me on and excited me like no other, would consider herself "not good enough."

Yet there is was, everytime she suffered a minor annoyance. The 'core disbelief' controls all our conscious thoughts, and hence, behaviour. After she shared with me this deep-seated lack of faith in herself, it was a very short path to understanding my own, 'core disbelief.'

I believe that my 'core disbelief' is something like, 'wow, that's disappointing.' I imagined myself as a five-year old boy, whose father decided to leave the household, and tried to understand how that boy felt. Other than confused and betrayed, that is.

As an informal healing process, I seek spiritual re-birth. I practice forgiveness, as a firm principle. I forgive people much more readily, in a very light hearted way. My current style is a quick, sincere apology, as if someone had accidentally broken one of the Absent-Minded Professor's pencils. "No problem, I really didn't notice."

The re-birth and re-creation of a person's spirit is totally dependent on forgiveness, and complete gratitude. I consciously say grace over my food, and drink, and attempt to consecrate every aspect of my life. There is no other way to accomplish spiritual re-foundation.