Roar

Katy Perry's Roar is derivative schlock. And it's her anthem. It's hard to pick on someone who has worked hard to get ahead, and persevered through countless rejections to make it big. But Katy Perry is a whore of the highest order, selling her tits and using the proceeds to help propel the career of Chicago Jesus.

I watched the video at the gym the other day. It's a shameless rip-off, from the lyrics to the production.

A damsel, a jungle, a wrecked plane, and an insouciant treasure-hunter archetype. That was really cool when it was Romancing The Stone.

The jungle throws everything it has at our damsel. A tiger carries away her fella. A tarantula crawls down her blouse, representing the hairy hand of a sweaty jock trying to get into her bra. After she flicks it away, her transformation begins, and we see that she is an apex predator.

"I got the eye of the tiger," she sings. Er, shouldn't you have to license that phrase from Survivor?

"Now I'm floating like a butterfly, Stinging like a bee, I earned my stripes, I went from zero, to my own hero." Timeless, classic words, flagrantly stolen from Cassius Clay.

Her orange spray-tan and white teeth remind you of a 50/50 bar.

The group of hunters shoot their arrows toward our heroine. The hunters represent the vast army of suitors aiming their phallus' in pursuit of her, the trophy prey.

Her shrill warning to the hunters turn back their army of semen and shrivel the scrotal mercenaries.

After she tames the jungle, our heroine gets to fem-spread and let her sweaty labia breathe.