The Farce Awakens

Star Wars Episode VII drops on December 18, and it will probably gross half a billion dollars. But will it be any good? The subtitle The Force Awakens implies that it will be a prequel. The trailer has an aged Han Solo, so the movie has to be set in the future. Shouldn't "The Force" be re-awakening, then?

Unless the movie is doing time-travel. That would explain why Han Solo is older and simultaneously existing at an earlier point in time. So maybe Han Solo goes back in time to warn Finn (John Boyega) and Rey (Daisy Ridley) that bad stuff is going to happen.

If it is time-travel, it's going to be too gimmicky. All time-travel does for a movie is allow it to fill gaping plot holes. But director J.J. Abrams got away with it when he directed Star Trek.

Abrams has cast a virtual unknown as the leading man. John Boyega has done some television (Being Human and 24) and not much else. Yes, I know he's black. I'm not colorblind. And J.J. Abrams is definitely not colorblind.

He once commented on his casting decisions for the television show Undercovers. Abrams said,

"We wrote these characters but when we went to cast it, one of the things I had felt, having been to the Emmys a couple times — you look around that room and you see the whitest fucking room in the history of time. Its just unbelievably white. And I just thought, we’re casting this show and we have an opportunity to do anything we want, why not cast the show with actors of color?"

Purposefully casting "actors of color" is diversity bean-counting. I don't know that Abrams is all that gifted at casting. Chris Pine as James T. Kirk is a disaster. Pine doesn't have the gravitas to play Captain Kirk.

Why not cast with the best actors available? Is Daisy Ridley the best female actor they could get? It doesn't matter. They need a ninety pound woman who can beat up storm troopers, fire a blaster, and wield a light-saber.

Lupita Nyongo? I have absolutely no use for her.

A good story goes a long way. But how much dramatic tension can they manufacture? Once you blow up a planet, and then two Death Stars, what else is there?

I am confident that the Family Guy rip-off will be much more watchable.