She posited the diag of ADHD, as in, "are you familiar with ADHD?"
I think that I am angry inside, and somehow, have managed to get this far, by suppressing my emotions. Today, I got frustrated, but only for a few moments. There was no going over to the other side.
That was the deepest emotion I have felt lately. Uncomfortable numbness, mixed with vague resentment. There is no joy, no satisfaction. There is very rare humor. It is difficult to feel any kind of happiness. I feel almost completely unloved, and totally irrelevant.
I don't know why I continue. Seems life is without meaning. I did make a deal with my maker, that I will try to survive as long as I am provided for. But what kind of existence is that? What is the point?
My sister is fifty tomorrow. I am not welcome, apparently. My father is eighty next month. Even less welcome there. When the pain is so great that it is unbearable, there is just denial. Welcome to me.
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