Playboy For Unfuckables

Playboy magazine was described by Hugh Hefner as a "handbook for the urban male." It was a magazine that my Dad felt comfortable leaving on the coffee table. What I remember, besides the nudity, was advice for buying high-end stereo equipment. A common quip was that men could purchase and read the magazine, "just for the articles."

But it was true, as evidenced by Joseph Heller's publishing in 1987 a "lost chapter" to Catch-22, titled Yossarian Survives. Dozens of other writers contributed to the magazine, including Margaret Atwood and Norman Mailer.

Playboy magazine was always considered enemy territory by feminists. Gloria Steinem famously went undercover as a Playboy bunny to expose the sexism and chauvinism of the publication. But Playboy was merely supplying an existing demand for male status -raising in the wake of Steinem's creation of legions of women ready for consequence-free sex.

Then, a few years ago, Playboy eliminated the nudity.

They should have just closed the magazine, because what they do now is wave unfuckables like Noor Tagouri in front of your face.

If the image of a covered Muslim woman baring her teeth for the camera doesn't trigger any emotions for you, just scan the background. Behind her is a representation of an American flag, with several bullet holes. Subtle.

Just in case it's too subtle, I'll explain. The enemy has conquered us, and is posing in front of our captured flag, both to demoralize us, and to encourage their confederates.

The current issue of Playboy has an article written by an xoJane alumnus, criticizing Ed Sheeran. It's entitled, Ed Sheeran Has a Toxic Masculinity Problem.

I know what you are thinking, and that is, "who is this Ed Sheeran, and why has Chloë Stillwell deigned to deconstruct his toxicity?" Ed Sheeran is a singer and a songwriter who is not Ian Curtis.

Ed Sheeran personifies the toxicity that shadows the most despised male archetype, the "underdog." What's an underdog? Stillwell effortlessly writes, "When you date an underdog, he’ll gleefully go down on you for hours and tell you you’re the best sex he’s ever had—until you break up with him, after which he’ll call you a slut on Facebook."

So he's kind of a beta, then? Stillwell is probably under orders not to drop the word, "beta," on the fragile male egos that read her magazine. But if Sheeran is a beta, then he's a beta with a ton of albums and writing credits, including Taylor Swift and One Direction. But, whatever. I'm not here to defend Ed Sheeran.

It seems that since they're not peddling smut, Playboy should market themselves as the Godfather of today's masculine "game." They should leverage their traditional role to help men realize their sexual market value, and their value to society as males. Instead, Playboy has co-opted the SocJus terminology that would destroy traditional masculinity, by treating male insecurity as a sickness.

And it's all served up by women, like Stillwell, who traffic only in solipsism. It's just another format to vent feminine rage at low-status men who dare gaze over. That Stillwell posted her anti-masculine rant from formerly enemy territory, must seem to her like waving the hammer-and-sickle from the Reichstag.